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September 08, 2021 4 min read

Hello #MomentumLovers! 

Watching porn is highly stigmatised, especially for people with penises. It’s also often seen as a solo activity. However, regardless of your gender or genitals, there are definite benefits to watching porn with your partner.

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 Here are some of the reasons you should consider watching porn together:

 

1. To learn about each other and share fantasies

 

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Most of us feel awkward when it comes to talking about sex and sharing your fantasies can be hard. Do you want to tie your partner up, or are you interested in them spanking you? Instead of asking them outright, you could try gauging their reaction by sharing porn featuring that activity. It’s important to have explicit conversations before trying new things, but talking about something in a hypothetical sense can help you feel less nervous to bring it up.  Alternatively, you could take it in turns to pick out and share porn clips that you’re really into. You can learn a lot about what someone likes in bed from the porn that they’re into – though it’s important to remember that just because your partner finds something hot it doesn’t automatically mean that they want to try it.

 

 2. To exchange sexual currency and increase intimacy

 

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Sexual currency is a term coined by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Gurney in her book Mind The Gap: the truth about desire and how to futureproof your sex life. It refers to how non-genital stimulating touch within romantic relationships helps us relate to our partners as sexual beings. Watching porn together is one way exchange sexual currency and allow you to sexually relate to your partner more easily, leading to more actual sex. Watching porn together can also make you feel closer to your partner: being explicit about your desires can feel vulnerable, so sharing them with your partner can increase your intimacy.

 

3. To discover new things to try together

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Mainstream media teaches us all the same standard scripts about what sex “should” look like. The told that sex starts with kissing, then progresses to hand jobs and fingering. You’ll then take it in turns to give each other oral, and things will finish. Not only is this an extremely cisheteronormative idea of sex (i.e., it assumes that everyone involved is cis and straight and the two partners have a vagina and a penis respectively) but it’s also unimaginative. Sex can be so much more than penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetration and watching porn can help you find new ways to have sex.

While most people think of free tube sites when it comes to places to watch porn, paying for porn from independent or feminist porn makers or buying clips directly from porn performers can work better for this. Free tube sites can often contain porn that reenforces cisheteronormative sexual scripts and unrealistic expectations, while ethical porn is more likely to feature people who actually look like you and your partner.

 

 4. To take the pressure off

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Many people don’t experience spontaneous desire, where desire and arousal show up instantly, with or without stimulation. Especially for people with vaginas, responsive desire is more common. Responsive desire is when desire shows up in response to stimulation: the body will respond to sexually relevant stimuli, such as watching porn. Watching porn together can be a way to take the pressure off your body to get instantly turned on and help you ‘warm up’ before you have sex. The expectation that your body will get instantly hard or wet isn’t sexy!

 

5. Because it can be really, really hot

 

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Watching porn as a couple can also just be really hot. Imagining learning that your partner is super into having their hands pinned down while you eat them out and then putting that new discovery straight into practice so their moans echo those of the porn performers in the clip that’s still playing. You could also sit with between your legs so you can use a vibrator or stroker on their genitals to edge them while you watch porn together. And watching porn can be sex in and of itself: maybe you want to have sex without your genitals involved at all, so you give your partner a lubed up hand-job while watching some hot clips together.

As with all sex acts, watching porn together is something that both people in the relationship need to be into. It’s important that it doesn’t turn into pressure for either person to do something they’re not comfortable with, or to replicate exactly what you see porn performers doing. Watching porn together should be a way to get comfortable talking about what you want and take the pressure off your body to “perform” – not setting higher expectations for what your sex “should” look like.

Thank you for reading this #MomentumLovers! If you are ready to have a more satisfying sex life, use the coupon code "PORN" for 20% off.


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