November 01, 2021 3 min read
All too often, when you look online,being bisexual, well, seems like a bummer. There’s a lot of talk about how people don’t believe we’re bisexual, how people refuse to date bisexuals, and how we feel isolated from both gay and straight communities. Then there’s allthe data that show that bi folks experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts than our gay peers, which is significantly higher than straight people.
This is all quite depressing.
However, while being bisexual absolutely has its challenges, it’s also the goddamn best. Honestly, I consider myself lucky that I'm attracted to all genders. It’s a privilege, one that I would never want to live without.
So, here are some of the BEST things about bisexuality that aren’t spoken about nearly enough.
When you realize that sexuality is not “this or that,” but rather a fluid entity that allows for evolution, you start to see the world through this lens. Since I no longer see the world in binaries, I see the nuances in everything around me. I also have a capacity for sympathy because I know, like my sexuality, nothing is ever black or white.
When I have a boyfriend, people assume I’m gay. When I walk down the streets holding hands with a woman, people assume I’m straight. Nope, neither are true. (And you know what they say when people AssUMe.) I take this mentality and use it in the rest of my life. I really do my best not to make assumptions about people because I know not everything is how it seems.
I mean, maybe I should have led with this one, but bi sex is the absolute best. Obviously, not every single bi person lives for threesomes. Bi women are constantly solicited on apps to be the third in some “straight” couple’s exploration phase, which can be infuriating. However, I love to be the third with an MF couple. I love being in the middle of a man and woman. (Obvi, I need a ton of lube, when I’m bottoming for a man and topping a woman, which is when I use theMomentum Silicone-Based Lubricant For Him.)The sex as a bi person is truly spectacular, and I am very much here for it.
Okay, this is a little philosophical and corny, but I want to share a brief story. When I came out as bisexual to my religious (Jewish) father, I wasn’t sure how he would respond. What he said was, “God made man and woman in his image, so you see the beauty—the godliness—in everyone.” It was honestly one of the most beautiful moments of acceptance that I have ever had. I now think about this often: We see the beauty and godliness in everyone. How freakin’ cool is that?
An entire book was written on this titled,Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men By Women.The book was a compilation of Dr. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli’s research. She interviewed women in relationships with bi men to discuss their experiences. The women reported that they have happy and healthier relationships because bi men who were out and proud were less likely to believe instereotypical gender norms. They also reported that bi men make better lovers because they’re less selfish and are more attuned with their partners. (Makes sense, sincemost of us know what it’s like having something inside of us, whereas most straight men do not).
When I was in college many years ago, there wasn’t a large bi community like there is today. Thanks to Twitter, Reddit, TikTok, and other virtual spaces, you can connect with other bi folks. From there, you can move things offline into IRL. I’ve met so many incredible bi friends and lovers through social media, and it’s incredible. Finally, there is a large bi community now. This wasn’t a thing years ago. It’s fantastic to finally feel like we have our tribe!
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